Empty Heart
by StarOfTheSeaa
Summary: A story from Sherlock's prospective. Another version of the events in the train, in the episode The Empty Hearse. Where one small action changes the course of their lives. 'I felt you taking deep breaths, and finally you looked up at me. Your eyes full of unshed tears. My heart broke in that moment.' Johnlock T to be safe Oneshot


Hello! Welcome, this is not my first story on but it is my first Sherlock story. I have been following the show since the first series when I came across it on Netflix, thank you Netflix, and I have loved it since the first episode. I have fallen in love with the bromance between Sherlock and John, I mean come on the show eludes to it every episode! How are we not suppose to want them together? Anyways, this is a rewrite of Season 3 Episode 1, the Empty Hearse. It starts from the scene when John and Sherlock are in the train and the bomb is about to go off. If you've seen the episode you should pick up on where it starts. If you haven't seen the episode I'm sure this will still make sense. All you need to know is that John and Sherlock are in a train carriage, and the whole carriage has been turned into a bomb, so think explosives everywhere. And Sherlock and John are frantic to turn the bomb off which has just started to count down from one and a half minutes. John had just been freaking out at Sherlock telling him he had to know how to dismantle a bomb, and which Sherlock tells him he can't. He searches the bomb frantically, but to no avail. And well ah! That is where our story begins. With Sherlock crouched over the bomb, and John staring at him in horror! Dun dun duh!

Warning: This is a love story. It includes a scene with two men romantically involved. Nothing graphic or anything. But it does take 'Bromance' to another level.

I do not own Sherlock. All rights go to his many different creators. I take no claim of him in anyway. I am simply borrowing him.

I hope you enjoy, and I'm not sure yet if I will continue this or if it will just become a one shot, with a very open ending. I'll let you the reader decide. Feel free to leave me a comment, just like every writer I love to hear from you. Constructive or nice.

Anyways I think I have jabbered on for long enough, I'm sure you're anxious to see what sort of shenanigans Sherlock and John have got themselves into. So without further ado, let the story begin!

* * *

"I'm sorry, John." I said looking up to you, my voice rough with emotion. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, and beginning to fall down my cheeks. I looked at you sadly, my heart aching for you. "If I had not come back, you would not be standing here now about to..."

I choked on my own words unable to finish my sentence. This couldn't be the end, it couldn't end like this. I had only just got back to you. I had spent two years, tracking down and destroying Moriarty's web. So that you would be safe. And now we were both going to die.

"Yes, I know." You said back to me. Your own voice rough and quiet. You were panicking. I could tell you were, just by the way you kept pacing about, as if searching for a way out of this situation. Though you knew it was hopeless.

"John, I need to know. Would you have ever forgiven me?" I asked softly getting to my feet. I walked up to you slowly. You kept moving about, and I knew I needed to calm you. I walked up to you, and put my hands on your arms to stop you moving. I looked down at you, but you refused to meet my gaze, instead focussing your attention on the floor. I felt you taking deep breaths, and finally you looked up at me. Your eyes full of unshed tears. My heart broke in that moment.

"You are the best and wisest man, I have ever known. So yes, of course I forgive you." You said the tears falling from your eyes. I watched you as you finally released the wall you had put up since I returned. You were finally being open with me again, you had let go of the anger you held towards me. I finally had my John back.

Without thinking, I took my hands from your arms and wrapped my own around you. I pulled you to me in a tight embrace. I knew you would go stiff at the display of affection, but I may never have another shot. And as I knew you would, I felt you go rigid, but I continued to hug you. Resting my head on yours, I closed my eyes and inhaled your scent.

"John. My John..." I whispered into your hair. I could feel pieces of me falling back into place. Pieces I hadn't even been aware I was missing. I felt like I was coming back to life. I didn't realize how much I had fallen apart after leaving you. You were the thing that completed me, the thing that gave me life. I needed you as much as I needed air. I would never let you go again.

I finally felt you relax, your own arms going around my torso. You held me close and tight. Your head resting against my chest. Your breathing had calmed and you seemed to be at ease, coming to piece with what was to come. You were a soldier after all, you were trained to accept death. My hug seemed to help relax you. The presence of another person keeping you calm.

"Sherlock, I wish..." You paused for a moment. I could feel you swallowing hard. I imagined you were swallowing the lump that I heard in your throat. You were trying to hold back your tears again, fighting with your emotions. You were losing. "I wish you had not had to leave me. I wish we could have spent the last two years together. You are my best friend, and you don't know how much I have missed you. When you died.."

You lifted your head from my chest and I looked down to your eyes. I could see you had stopped fighting and the tears where once again falling. You looked deep into my eyes and I did my best to memorize the colour, and the way you looked at me.

"When you died, I felt like I had died. Like I was just a shell, walking around with no soul, and no purpose. Sherlock, you where the reason I was able to walk without a cane. You saved me from my depression. You gave me a reason to live. And without you around, I lost that purpose. I had no reason to keep living. Sherlock, I tried to commit suicide. I felt that there was no way I could continue without you, no reason to. But I was unable to, Mrs. Hudson found me. She found me and got me to the hospital in time. It was shortly after that I realized something that I had been long suppressing, long hiding from you and myself... Sherlock, I love you." You finished speaking, the look on your face somber and serious. I could feel my heart pounding. You had tried to kill yourself? Why had no one told me? Why hadn't anyone thought to tell me so I could rush to your side and be with you? I would have dropped what ever I was doing, had any one had enough brains to tell me you were in danger from yourself.

"How?" I asked you, and you seemed shocked. You shook your head, and looked at me with confusion.

"How?" You repeated.

"Yes, how did you try to kill yourself? And when." I asked again.

"With pills, and about nine months ago." You answered, but you still looked confused. "But Sherlock, did you hear what I just said?"

I was now the one with the confusion on my face. Why would you ask such a stupid question? Of course I heard you, had I not just responded? Why were you asking such a stupi- Oh.

"Yes I heard you." I answered you. I had heard you, though I had a hard time believing you.

"Do you have anything to say to me?" You asked, I looked away from you. I could tell you were pushing for me to say it back. To return your sentiments. But you knew I couldn't. That I believed love to be beneath me, to be something that only people choose to feel. Love was an illusion. Something only found on the losing side. Not something that I would ever allow myself to feel. It was a waste.

Yet i knew I felt it for you. I had since we had first started working together.

I loved you.

It was the reason I had jumped off a building to save your life. Allowing you to believe I was dead for two years. It was what kept me working towards ending Moriarty's network, when I had become too tired to continue. Or ran into a dead-end. My love for you, pushed me on. Cause I knew once it was all finished, I would be able to return to you. And that was enough for me.

So no, I wasn't above love after all.

I returned my gaze to you.

"I love you too." With that, I felt your body pressed tight to mine once more. Your lips upon my own, hungrily taking them in. I returned the kiss instantly. Allowing you to lead me, as you deepened the kiss. My hands where around your waste, pulling you as close to me as physically possible. I could feel your hands in my hair, becoming entangled in my curly locks. I had had dreams of this, but none of them compared to real life. This felt like nothing short of heaven. You seemed to fit against me perfectly, as if you were sculpted to fit in my embrace. My skin was hot under your touch, and it felt like fire everywhere you touched me. I could see stars on the inside of my eyelids. My head was exploding with happiness.

When we finally broke apart, I opened my eyes to find you staring at me with the largest smile I had ever seen. Your eyes seemed to dance as you watched me closely. But suddenly your expression shifted. You looked behind me as a thought seemed to hit you.

"Say, Sherlock. Shouldn't the bomb have gone off by now? Surly it been longer then a minute." You said questionably. You took your arms from me and walked up to the bomb. I just waited for you to realize what I had done.

And you did.

You spun around to look at me again, your face livid.

"What the bloody hell?! You bastard! You knew! You knew, how to stop it the whole time didn't you?!" You demanded your face growing red from anger.

I bowed my head, then looked back up at you.

"Not the whole time." I answered you.

"How long then?! Was this all an act to get me to forgive you?!" You yelled. You were hurt, and felt betrayed.

"No, that was not my intention. I found the off switch when I was searching it. I didn't say anything right away because you were too panicked. I was going to tell you after I calmed you down enough to listen, but then you started to talk." I said, stepping towards you. I hoped that if a hug had calmed you before it would still work now.

"Oh, so its my fault?!" You threw back at me angrily. I took another step towards you.

"No that's not what I'm saying."

"No, it's what you're implying." You said back, you began to pace about again. Much like you had before.

I took another step.

"Listen John, there's no need to be upset."

Another step.

This caused you to stop in your tracks. You turned slowly to look at me. You looked ready to explode. In that moment I was thankful you weren't a bomb.

"No need to be upset? I just kissed you. And admitted I love you. Theres every need to be upset!" You yelled.

I took the last step towards you, and swiftly pulled you into a tight embrace. I felt you struggle for a moment, then relax against me.

"I fail to see a problem." I said low into your ear, as I nuzzled your neck. Physical contact seemed to calm you faster then any other method.

I felt you lean into my body, and heard a small moan escape from your throat.

Yes physical contact worked very well with you indeed.

Interesting.

"But... It... We..." You stumbled for your words, as I began to suck softly on your neck. You tilted your head back, allowing me more access to your neck.

"Hmm?" I hummed, and you gasped in pleasure. I smiled against your neck.

"M-...Mary..." You said softly. But I continued. "I have.. Mary.."

I felt you lay a hand on my chest, and you pushed me back gently. I stopped and looked at you.

"I have Mary. I can't just forget about her. I love her, and if you've forgotten I asked her to marry me." You said seriously. Your hand still on my chest. I reached up and gently laid my hand over yours.

I didn't know what to say.

There was nothing to be said.

So I simply held your hand, looking into your eyes.

I hadn't expected you to move on. I had thought when I returned it would go back to the way it was. I was stupid to think you wouldn't move forward in your life. Blind to think you wouldn't find a suitable girl to settle down with. You after all, were not above the human desire of wanting to marry and have a family. I guess I had always hoped that when the day came for you to marry, it would be to me.

But you had found a girl. A perfectly lovely girl. And who was I to stop you?

"You are right." I spoke softly. Your face showed shock once more.

"Yeah?" You asked. I could read by your expression you wanted me to fight for you. But how could I? It was my fault you tried to kill yourself. My fault you had met her and convinced yourself to marry her. I was obviously bad for you, and all I wanted was your happiness. And I didn't think I could be the one to give you it. I wasn't what you needed.

"This once." I said teasing you, though on the inside I could feel myself cracking.

I let you go, and stepped around you. I walked to the door of the carriage and exited the car. I walked up to the police men walking cautiously towards the cart. I knew you where watching me close. But I pushed you from my mind. Or at least I tried. You where always on my mind. Something I had grown use to over the past few years, though sometimes it could be quite distracting.

But though I couldn't fight for you now, I wasn't going to give up on you. I knew that you were only staying with Mary because of the commitment you had made to her. She was not the one you truly loved, that was me. And one day I would show you that. I would not be pushed aside so easily, for I am Sherlock Holmes. What I want, I get.

And you would see that soon enough.

John, my John.


End file.
